The farting gondola

The farting Gondola

Frederick was the name of a proud gondolier in Venice. His job was to row amorous couples through the Venetian canals in moonshine. On the thwart in front of him sat a man and a woman with their arms around each other. While rowing Frederick sang: "Love is like red roses on fire." The amorous couple became dizzy of the song, the gondolas soft rocking movements and by the exotic smells of Venice. "Oooh my heart is burning in red fire, o la la," Frederick sang and steered his gondola under romantic bridges and by shining castles.

But then, when it was as romantic as could be, when Frederick's voice was quivering with sensuality and the couple embracing each other tightly, prepared to kiss, in that precise moment the gondola farted high and wet: Ptrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

"Ugh," the woman said and nudged the man. "I won't be a farting mans girlfriend." "I didn't fart. Besides, I won't have a girlfriend who pushes," the man said. "As you wish," the woman replied crossing her arms. "Then we won't be married after all."

The man looked desperately at Frederick "Tell her that you farted, otherwise I won't be married." "But it wasn't me," Frederick said quietly. "It…it was the gondola."

The man who had been so in love while Frederick sang his love songs, became dark red in his face. "Everything is your fault, farting Fred," he shouted and threw Frederick out in the canal.

When the man and the woman had gone, Frederick climbed up in the gondola. "Dear gondola," he said both sad and angrily. "If you don't stop farting I will have to sell you." Frederick dried his clothes and after a while a new amorous couple asked for a romantic trip in the moonlit canals.

The couple sat down on the thwart in front, and Frederick started to sing while he pushed his oar. "Love is like red roses on fire," he lulled, hoping the gondola wouldn't fart. It went fine for a long while, but as the amorous couple embraced each other and were about to kiss… "Ptrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, ptrrrrrrrrr, ptrrrrrrrrrrr.

The man shook and bit the woman's lip. The woman screamed and slapped the man's face. "It wasn't me," the man said and rose up. "But you bit me," the woman wept, drying some blood from her mouth. The man went towards Frederick "Look what you have done, stupid fart," he said and threw Frederick out in the canal again.

While the man and woman rowed ashore, Frederick swam home and fetched his axe. "I'll become ill by all this bathing in the canal," he said to the gondola upon his arrival. "And nobody pays for moonshine trips as long as you continue to fart. So I have decided to make fire wood of you."

Frederick lifted the axe high over his head and was about to smash it when a fat and sad man came by. "Dear gondolier," he said seriously. "I have just experienced something terrible. Someone has left my fun fair without being happy. Do you think you could cheer me up with a trip on the canals in the moonlight?"

"No," Frederick said. "This gondola is to be chopped up for firewood and sold on the market." The fun fair owner looked at the gondola and then at Frederick. "The Gondola looks fine and I'll pay you well for the trip. "OK then," Frederic said and sneezed. "You may go on board. But keep in mind that you are taking the trip on your own responsibility."

The fat man sat down on the thwart and Frederick shoved the gondola out into the canal. He was just about to sing. "My heart is on fire," when he heard the fat man crying. The huge man was trembling and big, heavy tears were flooding from his eyes. Frederick thought he should sit down by his side and comfort him. But before Frederick had time to say a comforting word the gondola farted.
"Ptrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, ptrrrr, ptrrrr, ptrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."

Frederick became so angry. He grabbed his axe, lifted it high and said. "You disgusting farting gondola, I'm going to make matches of you." He was about to chop up his gondola in the middle of the canal when he heard laughter from the fun fair owner. "Ha, ha, ha, a farting gondola, ha, ha, ha." He laughed so much that Frederick had to laugh a bit as well. Finally the fun fair owner rose to his feet and gave Frederick a huge hug while he said: "Dear gondolier, at last I've found something that even the saddest person can't resist smiling over. Please take your farting gondola with you to my fun fair."

And that's how Frederick and his gondola became rich and famous. And the fun fair owner never saw a sad person leaving his fun fair again.